The Road Home....

The last ninety days have been a time of tremendous growth, pain and transformation. It has been a road of self discovery back to myself. We all have "dark nights of the soul". Mine started when my engagement to my former fiance was suddenly broken off by him in August with no warning or reasons as to why he was calling off. My world was blown apart and this sudden change of events sent me and my life into a dangerous spiral downward. In the beginning, I didn't care if I lived or not. I no longer had a purpose or a plan for my life. No job, no resources, and the person I had poured my soul into bailing out and running away as fast as he could to avoid dealing with the aftermath. Everything was in shambles, pieces of myself and my soul scattered everywhere. It took a group of people, my chosen family and friends putting boot to ass with me, a stint of intense therapy and ongoing work to rediscover who I am and why I am here.

Why do I share this? It has been a struggle to get back. Harder than anything I could have imagined. But I am here, back to me and strong. I have reclaimed myself and my identity. I am not ashamed to admit I broke. It took that event for me to rediscover my own light and to make it stronger to shine out to help others. I reopened my consulting firm and landed a great gig within a week of reopening my doors. I know who stands with me, good, bad or ugly. The amazing amount of love and support I have received during the past three months has been a learning curve for me. I am normally the one everyone comes to for support, help and encouragement. This time, the equation was reversed and my lesson has been to learn to receive without condition when people offer to help or provide support for me. (Whether I like it or not...lol). I am beyond grateful and a little bewildered that so many people have stepped up to offer assistance, encouragement and loved me, even when I was a hot mess and feeling unloveable.

I also learned the ultimate lesson in forgiveness and letting go. In all of the drama and chaos that ensued, I realized I was only responsible for MYSELF. Not my former fiance or anyone else..just me. That is still a mind blowing concept, learning to be selfish and not taking ownership or feeling responsible for other peoples' issues. There comes a point we all have to dance with our personal demons, make an agreement with them and come to terms with our own shit and how it shapes us. I danced with my demons nine years ago when I got divorced, but the Universe decided I needed a reminder this summer of what that old dance was like. I do not care to repeat that lesson. But for those of you who are that dance right now? Own it. Embrace it. Accept it. Once you do that, you will be the stronger and better for it and then able to take the lessons and blessings to MOVE PAST IT. Things suddenly will make sense, the fog will clear and the path you need take forward will reveal itself to you..but it all begins with forgiveness of yourself and being compassionate to yourself when those things are needed in those dark times you feel like you want to give up.

Our total life experiences makes up who we are right now as a human being..key word here...human. We are not perfect. Striving for perfection is setting yourself up for failure. Striving for progress? You set yourself up for success every single day when you take a step forward. Every step forward no matter how small is a win for you. If you can look yourself in the mirror at the end of the day and say;

" I made a difference today."

YOU ARE WINNING. That difference can be opening a door for someone, smiling back at someone, letting someone in your lane of traffic during rush hour or not losing your temper and telling off someone who pissed you off. Every single one of these things is a step forward to a better you. It is a WIN FOR YOU. My hope is by sharing my own journey back to "Home", you will see everyone has those moments of victory and failure..today I won. I took a risk and shared my story with you.

I wish you love, peace and happiness..and a win every single day. Until next time....

Much love -

Rev. Shae